That Little List

Isn't it ironic how the busiest time of your life is sometimes the most free, how it takes some really tough situations to see how easy the rest of life is, how things lose meaning the more you try to analyse them, how things lose importance the more importance you try to give them.

Every time you make it through a crisis, you wake up the next morning and the world is just where it was yesterday. And thats just one more in the little list of things that you can live through. And you're still the same person, except that you're not. And the world isn't really the same either, except that it pretty much is... Things change, and they stay the same, and life goes on. And a lot of things that were really big and important and tough just become smaller. Maybe that's why they call it Growing Up. Except we're not the ones growing up, its the world thats becoming smaller.

Or is it?

Isn't it funny how perspective can affect your sight. The one thing that we're all running after in our lives is meaning. We want meaning. We want reason. We want depth. All of that may or may not be there depending on where you're looking from. It might all be there and you just can't see it. And having it all might not be such a big deal anyway. Maybe that's not even what we're really looking for. Maybe we're just looking for something to look for. Some reason to go on. A new bone to dangle after. Motivation to keep breathing. But thats all that it is at the end of the day; it doesn't matter whether you get there or not, what matters is that the wanting to get there kept you alive, kept you going.

And geniuses that we are, we forget this little fact. Getting there suddenly becomes important enough to be potentially disappointing. And then the whole cycle starts all over again. We build it up and up for a great fall. And when we fall, the world falls apart and we break up into a million little pieces and we know that we can't go on.

And then we wake up the next morning, and the world is right where we left it, and we've just added one more to that little list...